Happy New Year 2019! I wish you health, prosperity and lots of love!
New years Eve 2018 … a day to celebrate?
For the first time in my life I don’t feel like celebrating this last evening of the year. This year I’m reflecting on the past, considering what I want to bring along into the new year, and what needs to remain where it is.
Eight years ago, a life transforming travel through hell and back was soon followed by a new way of life and work, bringing so much more joy, satisfaction and meaning than the old ways.
Life is definitely going in the right direction, with vision and intent, my loyal husband, unique sons, a few relatives, close friends, kind neighbours, communities of like-minded people, my meaningful work and not the least captivating in-depth studies of psychology and art therapy.
But something has held me back – too much so!
One of those most important places in life, one that had been a mutual safe haven of belonging, community and caring. Over the last years that safe place has turned into a hornet's nest of insecurity, ostracism, antagonism.
This made me feel a worthless no good, a know nothing, a can do nothing. This obviously strongly impacted my other relations and work. Too often, I just wanted to isolate myself, shamefully hide in my cave. Fight-flight-freeze became common stress responses to an unexpected situation. My soul was dying …
Until a friend and storyteller’s picture of keys brought forth my own truth:
"Right now these keys remind me that it's time for me to close the door to the parts of my past that have been choking and killing me.💔..
Annihilation, dead river, ash, evaporated to nothingness💀. The Nile is dried out - - -
It's time to get the remaining fish bones out of it, provide a safe container with air, water, breath, aliveness 🐬🐠.
Later will be time to stop the suffocation of the Nile!
Thrown alive and skinless to hyenas and vultures, no hope for rescue, bypassers turning their head - not wanting any discomfort for themselves while I'm losing my innermost self ---
It's time to sever the ropes holding me down, fly away, live again, speak my truth 🦅.
Later will be time to stop the attacks and exploitation, replace the distorted mirror with a truth mirror for the bypassers to open their 👀and 💕!
It's time to close the door and throw away those keys".
These past months ...
This Christmas was mostly black (although husband and sons brought a lot of light to the Christmas days!) - full of fear, deep sorrow, hopelessness, as well as anger. Enough is enough.
“Sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don’t care about them, but because they don’t seem to care enough about you.”
Dealing with all these negative emotions is difficult but not impossible. It is hard, deep, time-consuming work. It doesn’t help to put them in a drawer and think they’ll disappear. They’ll just remain in that drawer, craving our energy, ready to jump out when you least expect it.
Getting own energy back from distressing affects
Art therapy has taught me to deal with fear, anger, shame and grief in myself and others. Vibeke Skov’s PhD thesis on Shame and Creativity is a powerful tool to process shame. James and Friedman’s Grief Recovery Handbook provides a solid process for losses of all sorts.
A few hours away from 2019, I’m finally ready to throw away the keys to all those things bringing me down. All the blessed moments, shared events, happy memories and learnings from 2018 are coming with me.
Let’s do our best to make 2019 a year worth celebrating, with groundedness in ourselves, joy of living, positive intentions, caring, belonging and lots of friendly connections!
I wish you health, prosperity and lots of love,
Friendly yours, Lise